It's I from the beginning which no one knows when it was

Azita: Ajahn, you spoke about the āsavas, the four āsavas so kamāsava it would appear to arises more often than any of the other three could I say that or is that just guessing again?

A Sujin: When there is nothing, nothing at all, can there be the world, when there’s nothing at all? Nothing at all, not even citta, cetasikas, and rupa. But it’s impossible to stop the way it is, there must be the reality which cannot understand anything. We know what they are, but without the reality that arises to experience, no one can stop its arising at all, because there must be conditions for each reality as it is. At that moment when nothing appears at all, and then just one reality, one means one, even there are many things arising together, even that one, who knows that there is attachment to that object already, because of ignorance see, otherwise how come, the seeing and the attachment from one moment, one, only one, very very tiny piece of rupa, who knows that there is attachment to that which is sensuous object, that is kāmāsava and bhāvāsava, the I, is there, the experiencing that being to be I is there, bhāvāsava. And ignorance, not understanding that it’s arising, no one makes it arise, only conditions, the proper conditions for whatever arises to be just that, it thinks about the ditthi, the idea of something or I, bhāvāsava, unknown. Because there is seeing, every moment, whatever appears, in a day. And three moments after seeing the āsava is there. That’s why it feels like I all the time: I wake up, I do this, I like, I dislike, because of the āsava. It’s not known until it is stronger.

Nina: Bhāvāsava, I cannot get it I can’t get that.

A. Sujin: Is there you?

Nina: The idea is there, yes.

A. Sujin: So that is bhāva, to be, being, not the tape, not the pencil, not the tablecloth, see. But I see, I think, I doubt, I like. We don’t know the processes of it, but the Buddha said that āsava arises because there are still conditions, which are the anusaya, only when there’s no anusaya at all the akusala, āsava and whatever kilesa, cannot arise at all, unknown all the time. Without the enlightenment of the Buddha who would know about what is now, and what is what, because it’s I, or something, avijja is there. Can anyone stop the arising of avijja? Impossible, because there are conditions for whatever arises, until there is no more condition at all, no more arising of anything at all.

That’s why, if one sits and tries to concentrate to understand the arising and falling away of that which appears, it’s impossible, because the I is there, so how can the "I" understand that there is no I? And that’s why we know that how much and much kilesa in a day, from āsava, to nivarana, to kilesa, to samyojana, to whatever it is there, as it is of that level. Is there any idea that I am? And without ditthāsava, without avijjāsava, can there be such thinking as I’m here, it’s me? Not at all. So it has to be from the beginning which no one knows from when, but it’s there. Eons and eons, uncountable eons ago. And how can there be the sudden understanding of that which appears and disappears, like seeing sees, and then hearing, and then thinking? Thinking cannot be seeing, they cannot arise together, they are different, and there are so many realities in between, unknown. But the Buddha taught about the truth of each moment as it is.

The bhavanga, when there’s nothing appearing, people think that no one, no I, no self at all but there is still I which sleeps or whatever, as bhavanga, see. So Buddha experienced or directly enlightened the truth of everything. These are the virtues of his great pañña, see. And he taught about that which now hears, to be considered, to be known. But when there is no hearing about the teachings of the Buddha, how can there be the understanding of just the moment of seeing that is different from the moment of thinking or hearing, see. They’re all I all the time, succeeding one another very rapidly all the time, no gap, no way to understand it. But the Buddha taught about the process of each, even they cannot be known, like sampaticchana, santirana, cannot be known. And even when it’s āsava, it’s so very weak, very subtle, that it is not known, until the process of attachment can be known by liking this or liking that, see. Even liking in a day cannot be known either at the moment of waking up, to any moment when there’s no understanding at all.

So just listen to understand the truth that actually no matter what, it’s not I. It cannot be taken for a permanent thing at all, because it arises and falls away in split seconds before it can be formed up as nimitta. As a glass with many many rupas with spaces in between, it can be broken up anytime, but even it hasn’t broken up yet, pañña knows the truth, that each different rupa arises and falls away by conditions. This is the beginning to understand the truth of anything as no self and no thing in it, because it just arises and falls away, suññata, never to return at all in samsara. Just only once, only one, and only once, but the following moment, the second moment, cannot be the same as the previous one. Different, by the accumulation of different personalities.