Metta, the way to be kind by understanding what the real kindness is

Excerpt from the Dhamma discussion with Ajahn Sujin on Zoom on Mon Feb 3rd 2025. Edited and transcribed by Dhammascribe.

Mp3 audio file: https://drive.google.com/file/d/172CvXFga3m8CZWRCwEMmopv02oNiI2p1

00:00 - The nature of metta is no attachment and no aversion

[Is there such a thing as friendliness?]

When there's no friendliness, not being friendly, what is there? It's different from the moment when there's friendliness. What is the nature of the truth, of the reality, of the citta at that moment when there's no friendliness?

[We're talking about a situation rather than a state of mind.]

But when you see someone you like, your friend, and somebody you don't like, is there any difference? To understand that moment of being friendly, and moment without friendliness. So, when you like someone, liking it's a reality, attachment. Is it friendliness? Each word about the truth, about reality, is so very subtle. It seems like that there is some more, a little more understanding of it, but in truth, it can be understood clearly, more than just now, little by little, right? For example, it seems like there is the understanding of metta, but when? See... And what is the nature of metta? No attachment, no aversion.

That's why it's not easy to realize the truth if there isn't yet the clear understanding of the nature of the reality as - it's that which experiences the object. Because at any moment of experiencing an object, no matter what, there's ignorance about the seeing and the object and what are there together arising with seeing, since they do not appear at all, not even one. But learn to understand the truth, why it does not appear even it's there? By conditions. No understanding of attention and feeling and sañña, not at all. How can it appear, to be as it is? Because it's there for sure. Sañña now works its way each moment, but sañña does not appear to be known.

03:34 - Understanding the truth of each dhamma as the accumulated conditions allow

But learn to understand what are there, that we can understand the truth of each as much as the accumulate conditions allow. To understand just the meaning, not clear yet, but it's known - it's a reality. And when we talk about kindness or metta, at what moment? Whether it's not lobha, whether it's not dosa. So, a moment of metta is conditioned by accumulation, but not enough accumulation of understanding to know the nature of it when it's there. But before any reality can be realized, there must be clear understanding of that which is not the other at all. For example, attention is not sati, but in order to understand the truth there must be enough clear understanding, to recognize it when it's there, as the object. Otherwise now there must be many moments experiencing the object with the idea of self or I. For example, attachment now to whatever is now appearing. No understanding enough to gradually wear away the ignorance of what is there as something in life, from life to life, not just now. So how great or how enormous it is, ignorance, it covers up the truth of everything with the attachment arising with it. Wanting, searching, wishing, expecting all the time for this and that.

So, how can there be the understanding of that which is there right now? Because it has arisen by conditions. So we think about many, many things around, on and on and on and on. What about now? That which had conditions for its arising to be just seeing. While we are talking, seeing is there. That's why learning to understand the subtlety of all kinds of dhammas, to have clear understanding little by little, what moment is not fake kindness. Because if one just uses the word kindness, not understanding the true kindness at all, it would seem that one has kindness already, so great, helping the others and so on and so on, but is it fake or is it real?

06:39 - Hearing the Dhamma, the condition for the moment of beginning to think about it

That's why learn to understand the truth of whatever is there, it's conditioned already to be the reality which experiences the object or the reality which cannot experience. Little by little, the first round of ariya sacca, so very important, otherwise it's wrong from the very beginning. It cannot go through to the higher levels - satipatthana or patipatti. The real meaning, not the word because we just think about that word in our own thoughts, in our own way, but what is the truth about that? That's why learn to understand no matter what one's heard about the truth from the Enlightened One, the words of truth - His Teachings, in order to really have more respect for the truth, more respect for the Enlightened One, not just, "Oh, I'm paying respect to the Buddha", but no understanding at all of his Teachings. that is fake, that is not true, right? To be truthful from the very beginning, keeping on understanding the truth more and more, letting go of wrong understanding and ignorance little by little. So now, what we are talking about, it's just to be condition for the moment of beginning to think about it, to consider more about it, and to understand the nature of it, little by little, by more and more firm confidence of the path of the truth. It can be realized because it's so true, from the very beginning. So when it's firm enough, no expectation for right awareness with understanding, directly understanding what is there right now - by conditions. And that is the only way, letting go of expectation, attachment, wishing, hoping for the moment of understanding the truth eradicating the ignorance arising with attachment and wrong view, never to arise again in samsara, For eons and eons, never hearing about the truth, never developing the understanding to understand what is there.

09:24 - Metta, the way to be kind by understanding what the real kindness is

That's why the moment of enlightenment is abhisamaya, never arising twice, so very unique, and learning more little by little to have firm confidence of the truth. And that's the way to become kind, because of understanding what the true kindness, the real kindness is, not self, but what is it, the real one? That's why understanding the truth is so very important, not just the word translated, understanding its meaning, but what about understanding the truth represented by those words, many words for attachment, because attachment has many degrees - asava, unknown, right now, and so on. That's the way to have right understanding, which is not fake, but it's the moment of hearing, considering, and being truthful to the truth. Besides this moment of discussing about the truth to have more understanding, what about in a day? Is it becoming a little more strong, enough to think about it? At moment of taking a bath, what is there? Coolness, hardness... unknown, but it's there, so clear that no-thing can be there. At moment of feeling very cool or very comfortable, and so on, what is there can be known as it is, as not self. It's only a temporary, very short moment of that which is conditioned to arise. As soon as it has arisen, it falls away. So, life is like this. What we take for very beautiful, very precious, being it object of desire or attachment, in truth, it's not there, it's not there anymore, gone all the time, unknowingly.

11:45 - Different levels of understanding what has been heard and thought about

That's why, be truthful to the truth. Is this true? The understanding, understands it firmly and firmly, gradually, little by little, until it's there unexpectedly, another level of understanding what has been heard and thought about. But what about in a day? No moments of thinking about the truth at all. What does it mean? Not enough conditions to think about it. So, if one thinks that I should or whatever, it's all I, but understanding conditions the moment of beginning, or sometimes thinkhing about the truth, at moment of touching, at moment of thinking, at moment of seeing, which is now. It hasn't been the object of awareness yet, right? At level of being directly aware of the nature of that which is there. But listening, learning to understand the truth, to be condition for understand it anytime, by conditions, all by conditions. And listening with careful considering is condition too, for higher and clearer understanding of what is there, very gradually and very unexpectedly. How much understanding is there now, who knows? But when there is the moment of direct awareness, how come? To be truthful at that very moment, beginning to understand the nature, the characteristic of that, by conditions.

13:50 - No one can do anything, so just be joyful because it's not anyone's burden

No one can select what will be the object of direct awareness, and the understanding gradually begins to understand its characteristic, not just the word about it. So, the truth is the truth. Now it's letting go of ignorance and attachment to what is there as I, so very subtly, very gradually. And that kind of understanding is so joyful. No one can do anything, actually, there's no one, only conditions. So, just be joyful because it's not anyone's burden as one used to take it before. I have to do this, I have to understand that and so on. So very naturally, gradually developed, to let go of idea of self until what has been accumulated for eons and eons, to cling, to have wrong understanding, to take it for I or something, never to arise again - ultimately eradicated. So, it's not now. But now it's the moment of being truthful to the truth. Without hearing and considering the truth, nothing can let go of ignorance and clinging to that which is now appearing, by conditions. And this is the meaning of enlightening the truth, the Buddha, higher level of understanding, but it has to be understood from the very beginning. What word is the word so true? By the Enlightened One. So, what is meant by enlightened to the truth? Just hear the truth, understand the truth little by little, more and more and more, no one, all by conditions. Is this metta?

16:33 - So much to learn to understand the truth which has been covered up for eons and eons

That's why even just one characteristic can be realized, can be known, its truth, little by little, with understanding only. Whether it's not there or whether it is there, and what reality it is, what cetasika it is. So much to learn to understand the truth which has been covered up for eons and eons. At moment of ignorance, it's so dark, it cannot understand the truth. So, the truth is that - just living in the world of darkness, of ignorance, no understanding of seeing, no understanding of that which is seen, no understanding of hearing, no understanding of thinking, no understanding of whatever is appearing now, clinging to it with wrong understanding about it. That's why Dhamma is so subtle, and understanding the subtlety of all dhammas is the only way to wear away the wrong understanding and all kinds of akusala and the fake metta. So, Dhamma is now, until it's known, only that which has arisen and is appearing is the reality which can be gradually studied, little by little, to understand it thoroughly, deeper and deeper, so deeply, the more there is understanding, the more subtle it gets. If you don't talk about the subtlety of Dhamma, it seems like Dhamma is so very easy, it's there, seeing, it's a dhamma, but in truth what is meant by - it's not anyone, anatta, all dhammas are anatta? What is there is there only once in samsara, never to arise again in this life or any life, and that is paying respect to the truth, to His enlightenment, His great virtues, and His great compassion to everyone. Is it true?

Pali terms used:
Metta - Being friendly, kind to any other being.
Dhamma - That which is real in the ultimate sense, absolute reality (paramattha dhamma), subtle reality (abhidhamma).
Citta - The reality (dhamma) which is chief in experiencing the object (arammana).
Abhisamaya - The unique moment of enlightenment, never arising twice in samsara.
Sañña - The mental factor (cetasika) which marks and remembers the object.
Asava - Low and weak level of the unwholesome mental factors (kilesa) arising almost immediately after seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting and touching in the five sense-door processes (pañca-dvara-vithi).
Sati - The dhamma which is aware and does not forget what is wholesome (kusala).
Ariya_sacca - The noble, absolute truth of the arising and falling away of all conditioned realities (sankhara dhammas).
Sati_patthana - The applications of sati in ordinary, everyday life.
Patipatti - Reaching a specific, particular dhamma, understanding directly its characteristic (lakkhana).
Samsara - The continous, non-stop cycle of birth and death conditioned by ignorance (avijja).

#Dhammahome source video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AZMv_IgmASI